What is hiding in there???

I used to fill up a journal in a month...

I have been working on my current journal for a year now...I'm on page 40...

Seriously??? 

It is not because I have had less than 40 pages worth of noteworthy experiences.  Actually, I've had more than enough stories, secrets, and epiphanies to fill several journals.

I could blame it on time...I was very, very busy during the school year.  But the truth is all of those 40 pages with writing on them is from the school year.  This summer I had surgery and was stuck on the couch for 3 weeks.  I have had plenty of time this summer.

I have been contemplating this off and on for the past week.  I've sat down with every intention to write...but I didn't even open the journal up.  Why?  Why is it so hard for me to put my thoughts on paper?  Usually when I journal I find out a lot about myself.  It's like I didn't know what was in my head until it sat there in front of me in words.  That's how it is with dance too...I haven't been able to do that in a while either.

I think the reason I don't write anymore is out of fear.  Now it's been so long since I wrote or danced what was in my heart, I'm not sure if I like what's in there anymore.  To know what's in there would force me to see that I may not like who I'm becoming...

My homework:  WRITE.